Meaningful Days

Can't believe the holiday is coming to an end in a few more days. The days I've been having were far from what I've expected, or maybe of what I have hoped. Honestly, I was hoping that this Aidilfitri would be so 'meriah', getting to meet with everyone of my family members. But that dream was vanished when I get to know that only two other families is going to join us this first raya in Kampung Baru. Well, it's something to be thankful for, a lot better than having no family members with you during raya.

That night we went back to Melaka at Kuala Linggi, surprised to see Mak Syam was already there. Mak Syam is my mom's elder sister who usually get back in second or third raya when the turn comes for their first raya at her husband's kampung at Puchong. Because of illness, she was very sick last raya that she can't go beraya. Alhamdulillah this Aidilfitri, she seem a whole lot better despite of her illness and she manage to make a moderate raya preparation.

Allahyarham Pakcik Rahim with beige baju Melayu last year

Something I realized this raya is that we didn't go to visit as many houses we usually go in the previous years. I don't know why, but it seems like the spirit of raya kind a fade a little bit this year. In most of the visits, my dad is the only married guy in the group. My first aunt's husband had passed away last march due to chronic heart failure (Al-Faatihah for his soul) while Mak Syam's husband had to get back to Puchong in the first raya for a definite reason. One have been divorced and the other have a husband with no interest in visiting people he didn't know is also another reasons contributing to that condition.

I made another funny dream this raya - collecting the most duit raya I ever had! This also is far from achieved as I am so grown-up that I look like my mom's sister. There it goes again, seeing people awe-ing to the fact that I'm abah's daughter rather that his 'second wife'! I need to positive my mind thinking abah just look younger that his real age, and I'm as normal as my age. (Pleeeeassse don't say I look old for my age :( )

This seemed so negative all the way down, but do I feel terrible? No. I didn't get what I hope, but who am I to know what's best to hope for? I got more than what I could ever imagine.

My new house or should I say, my new HOME in section is a sweet surprise. It's not like I didn't know it's existence, it's just I was so ignorant before that I didn't have the interest of checking it out during it was constructed. I even slept in the car when the others even my youngest brother (Afiq) went in the under construction house. The first time I lay my eyes on it is from a couple of pictures ummi had sent via email. Having a rough image of it, I come to be impressed when I first saw it in front of me in the early Ramadhan. It's not big, simple, and classy-modern, even without fences and grasses at the compound(yet), I like it. Even though I felt a bit sad leaving my 'growing up' home in Section 19 that I stared to it for about 15 minutes (after performing tarawih prayers) recalling all the memories I have, as we lived 11 years in that house.

The best thing is to be so close to ummi. For all these years, being her daughter, I never been so close to her as we've been this holiday. Thanx to our new house as the biggest contributor, we became together a lot in tidying up the house, shopping for the furniture, discussing about the house decorations and interior designs, and a whole lot more talking about cooking, raya, her past, my future and many more. Getting to know more about someone whom you thought you already knew is amazing. It made me realize how neglectful I was of small tiny bit things that are so significant, so meaningful and so precious. There was one day where I made mango juice for breaking fast, and gave her a glass of it. She didn't even have a sip. I wonder...and with a smile she said, "I don't drink mango juice...you know how weird is my taste...". I was disappointed. Disappointed with myself. How can I not know this? If only I pay more attention before... I came to appreciate her more day by day. Ohh...how can I go back when things are going so good between us...? I can't imagine departing away from her... I love her so much!!!

I'm feeling so nervous about going back to Makassar. It's a new world. It's the real world. See u soon Makassar!

IMANNAILAH 2008
noradrenaline2001@yahoo.com