MIRACLE

Have you seen the face of a newborn baby? Have you ever hold them with your bare hands? Have you smell the scent while touching your nose to their warm, fragile skin?

It's like seeing a vivid, glowing ray so humid it makes you dwells in it. And even when you are in the bottom of the world, the darkness of no hope, the suffocation of no air, it comes like a door to heaven, a light so bright, a breath of fresh air. You are not only seeing it, but experiencing a miracle.

God made us from the conception of two different cells that fits each other in a way, then combined to grow into a human being. A process no man can replicate, even being studied for hundreds of years, happened from the days of Adam and Eve, not a single thing changed until today, but still it impresses us in awe. The fact is: we are the best creation ever made, the most perfect thing we will ever seen in our life. And to see things in their best form is when they are brand new.

I've watched hundreds of mothers gave birth to babies, the hurdles, the tears and smiles, we all will be there, InsyaAllah. With every birth of a new life, obviously no words can describe the feeling of the birth giver, but witnessing it for me, over and over again, the feelings never change. The warmth still covers your heart, filling it with live. I'm so glad I can appreciate this panorama again and again, being astonished every time and reminding me back to The Most Intelligent, The Creator, Allah s.w.t.

Once, I've seen a mother in labour of her child, she seems so exhausted, she might have been doing this for a few hours already. The doctors keep on motivating her to continue and not giving up. After a half an hour at last the baby was born. He is silent, no movement, and there's no effort to make the baby start breathing. The family was called, and the baby was given to them. They already know if the baby had already died inside the mother's womb. The mother showed no emotion, probably relieved after going through hours of exhaustion trying to give birth to the pulseless child, but in her eyes she seems so lost, staring empty. At the corner of the room, her husband was holding and kissing the baby with tear coming down his cheek.

My heart was throbbing, trying so hard not to shed tears while discovering a feeling of parents losing their child. They never seen him, they never touch him, they never got to know him, but they love him like they never love anything in the world. They weep for him like they know him their whole life. The emotion is inevitable.

Recently, I encountered some similar cases of mothers admitted to the hospital due to vaginal bleeding, together with high fever and looked very pale. After knowing the patient is pregnant, Ultrasonography was performed to confirm the diagnosis. No surprise, they provoked themselves to terminate their pregnancy, whether using pills (consumed or applied somewhere around the cervix area), an algae-wood called 'batang jarak' or bay the help of 'dukun' or 'mantri'.

Usually the cases circles around teenagers who 'terlanjur' and were not expecting baby from their illegal sexual activities, but shockingly I have met more mothers doing abortion because of too many children. In Indonesia there is a campaign of limiting maximum two children for every family, yes, but by using contraceptives, not abortion. Most of them have been pregnant for more than five times, sometimes even reaching 10. So I understand the burden of raising children with only the farther working as 'tukang beca', adding one more would not be an option.

There is one patient, a 32 year-old mother who already had four children, had two miscarriage (claimed to be spontaneous without any provocation), and now again having the third abortion. On USG the doctor found four 'batang jarak' in her womb. She lose words.

We asked why she did it, she said nothing. We asked why didn't she use contraceptives, she said she stopped hormones injection because her husband's complaint of lack satisfaction during intercourse. Then we ask if she wants to have a permanent contraceptive; tubactomy, she said her husband still wants another children. Then WHY SHE DID IT?? At last, we turned up at the first question.

Pregnancy preventions; contraceptive are all around from the cheapest to the most expensive, right next door marts (condoms) to the operation table (tubectomy or vasectomy), you choose. People always have a choice, desperation only appears when you chose not to choose another option, then you were left with the only option.

Killing human being is cruel and inhuman, but killing a miracle is denying God. If you are denying God, what else do you have?

~Thanks UMI, my inspiration~

-IMAN NAILAH 2010-

Fatamorgana

"Sesungguhnya perumpamaan kehidupan duniawi itu hanya seperti air (hujan) yang Kami turunkan dari langit, lalu tumbuhlah tanaman-tanaman bumi yang dimakan manusia dan haiwan ternak. Hingga apabila bumi itu telah sempurna keindahannya dan berhias, pemiliknya menyangka mereka pasti menguasainya (memetik hasilnya), datanglah kepadanya azab Kami pada waktu malam dan siang, lalu kami jadikan (tanaman)nya seperti tanaman yang sudah disabit, seakan-akan belum pernah tumbuh kelmarin. Demikianlah kami menjelaskan tanda-tanda (kekuasaan kami) kepada orang yang berfikir."
-Yusuf:24

~Ingatlah hidup itu sementara, yang kekal adalah akhirat.~

-IMAN NAILAH 2010-

Belenggu

Terbelenggu
Dimamah waktu
Menjamah darahku
Tinggal setengah

Hati sekarat
Merangkak ke garis tamat
Yang tak terlihat.

-IMAN NAILAH 2010-

Memanfaatkan Kesulitan

Kita selalu mendambakan yang indah dan selesa. Senang dan gembira. Tapi hidup selalu menafikan harapan, kerana selalunya kita punya pengharapan yang tak seiring kenyataan. Kita tahu hidup itu ibarat roda, hidup penuh liku dan cabaran, tapi kenapa bila datang susah dan payah kita mengeluh dan merudum jatuh?

Orang yang berjaya bukanlah yang paling banyak cabaran dan kesusahannya, kalau begitu orang miskin, tukang buruh dan pesakit kroniklah yang harus berada di puncak. Tapi yang memanfaatkan kesusahan dan cabaran itulah orang yang benar-benar berjaya.

Di saat kesibukan yang mencengkam, melelahkan jasad yang sungkam, aku menemui manfaat kesusahan. Baru, baru inilah aku menyedari rahsia sang pejuang. Mereka bukan pelajar ilmu kebal, bukan juga peminum tongkat ali atau kacip fatimah, belum tentu juara maraton 20km, tapi merekalah yang mencari bahagia di celah kusut dan beban.

Rasulullah saw, idola semua idola (bukan idola cilik ye), merupakan orang yang paling hebat memanfaatkan segala ujian dan kesulitan hidup baginda. Baginda memang diizinkan Allah seorang yang ma'sum, tapi baginda mengaplikasikan konsep 'maintain and improve' berbanding 'inherit the goods'seperti kebanyakan manusia. Kenapa Rasulullah sangat sabar? Bukan kerana baginda diciptakan mempunyai sifat sabar yang luar biasa, tapi kerana baginda melatih dirinya dengan setiap cubaah yang diberikan. Ketika rumah baginda dilempari najis, baginda memilih untuk mendapatkan pahala kesabaran, sekaligus mengagumkan para musyrikin serta menarik hati mereka ke arah Islam.

Dan barulah aku rasakan kebenaran dari sabda Nabi, sesungguhnya solat itu adalah istirehat, bila kesibukan melanda, waktu yang sedikit itu aku dirikan solat dengan penuh ketenangan. 5 minit yang singkat itu terasa sungguh menyegarkan, otot-otot yang kelelahan terasa kembali cergas, minda yang kusut dan hati yang sungkam kini semangat. Rupanya inilah kebahagiaan sejati. Seandainya aku tak merasai keletihan mental dan batin ini, adakah aku akan merasakan ketenangan sejati itu?

Betapa Maha Pengasihnya Tuhanku, Dia sentiasa pastikan ada insan yang membimbing dan menyokongku bila saja aku merasa perlu. Kadang hati tidak kuat menahan sakitnya cemuhan dunia, kembalilah kepada yang tersayang kerana cinta mereka bukan tiruan. Aliran kasih Allah, seperti embun yang menitis di pipimu. Sangat berharga dan bermakna.

Kesulitan hidup itu lumrah. Jadi tempuhilah rimba dengan bakul di tangan, buat mengutip buah di perjalanan, jangan cuma digigit serangga dan ditimpa hujan, sampai sesat tanpa haluan.

Rimba tebal bakal disinggah, Ramadhan yang penuh berkah. Sediakan dirimu dengan kekuatan dan stamina, dan mari manfaatkan!

*Sedang melalui masa-masa penuh cabaran, tulisan ini sebagai peringatan buat diri yang sering lupa dan kelelahan. Terima kasih umi, abah, babal dan sume yang memberi kekuatan. And for u who reminds me that patience is a part of me. :)

-IMAN NAILAH 2010-

The Pain We Want to Feel

A wise man said: No pain no gain. But in anesthesiology, it's the opposite.

If the art of life is the art of avoiding pain*, then anesthesiology is what every living people should be learning. Well, hypothetically.

Anesthesia came from the Greek words 'An' which means 'without' and 'aisthēsis' meaning 'sensation', basically it is the condition of having sensation (including the feeling of pain) blocked or temporarily taken away. So anesthesiology means a study about preventing some sensation especially pain.

Four weeks in this department, it made me realized one thing:

To treat pain, you must first feel the pain.

This, I meant in both literally and metaphorically.

Theoretically, pain occured when there is stimulation at the peripheral pain receptor which would go through a track of processes like tranduction, transmission, modulation and last perception by the brain. So knowing and 'feeling' this process can lead you to many solutions to pain.

Then, when I was in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) it came to me that we must also 'feel' the pain of the patient to treat them.

In the most equipped unit of the hospital, we have the best physicians and nurses serving for the most critical patients. On the paper, this seems to be the best place for the patient to recover. But that's not it. They are labelled as the best because of one vital component - being CARING. They feel for their patients.

For the first time ever, I'm seeing doctors working diligently taking care of patients without any complaints, they never seemed tired eventhough we all KNOW they are beyond exhausted. They are always concern if there's something wrong with the patients, what's their current problem, is their needs fulfilled, and what more can they do for them.

I might say, they act like 'REAL DOCTORS', as if the rest is not. No, I'm not belittling the other doctors, no. They are a lot of super-fine, genius, very compassionate doctors out there that are very committed in what they do. I'm trying to emphasis how sincere they seemed to be doing their job. That's how every doctors should become. Eventhough the patient doesn't need intensive care, that's what we ought to give.

I have respect for them. Salute for Anesthesiologists~

-IMAN NAILAH 2010-

*Quote by Thomas Jefferson

Pembalas Madu

Tersinggung sudut rasa,

mendengar bisik minda

yang keruh dan keledak.

Saat arah jalan berubah

seratus lapan puluh darjah,

Tafsiran tergugah

dari fitrah.

Amal dan taat yang hilang

dibalas dengan sinar paling cemerlang

hingga silau - tak sanggup dipandang.

Aku malah bertanya: Kenapa?

mengintai maksud di balik rencana

berteka-teki dengan Sang Empunya.

Kusut bertatih,

Berkedut dahi memilih

Apakah menyisih

atau menyahut gigih.

Kurenungi langit kelabu-

cuba mencari indahnya biru,

Malah

Tujuh rona datang bertandang,

mengingatkan DIA-lah;

Maha Penyayang.

DIA-lah;

pembalas laba dengan madu.

17 Jun 2010

ALHAMDULILLAH~

"Semua umatku pasti masuk syurga kecuali mereka yang tidak mau. Para sahabat bertanya siapa yang tidak mau dengan syurga? Rasul menjawab siapa yang taat kepada perintah Al Qur'an dan Sunnah dialah yang mau masuk syurga tapi yang membenci perintah ku dialah yang tidak mau." - Al-Hadith

"Jika kabur bagimu dua perkara, maka perhatikanlah salah satu dari keduanya yang paling terasa berat bagi nafsu, lalu ikutilah ia. Karena tidak ada sesuatu yang terasa berat bagi nafsu kecuali sesuatu itu yang benar." -Ibnu Athailah.

The Reality of Malaysian Medical System

Being a medical student and struggling for almost two years in Indonesian hospitals, my thoughts are always about coming back to Malaysia and serve my country with pride. I heard about people leaving their country for a better offer abroad, but this gives me a shock. I never thought there was another reason.

Why we left and why we will continue to leave...

Posted by: MS Mohamad

I read an interesting article today about a few prominent figures addressing their concern over the increasing UKM and UM medical graduates who have left the country to continue their medical practice overseas.

After reading the news for 3 times, I called a very close friend, an MD (UKM) graduate to ask his opinion on how the news might have affected him. He has been working in Singapore for more than a decade as a Consultant Surgeon with a certain sub-specialty

"Why be a slave in your own country, when you are a king in another?" He replied.

By the word slave, the writer does not exaggerate. He came out with his own experiences.

I still remember the days when I was doing seeing patients and rounds as an MO, while the staff nurses would mind their own business, having breakfast in the pantry, or having gossip chats at their own leisure. My House Officers would then have to do merely all the labour-work, up to the extent of setting intravenous drips, and serving medications. If I am to expect the nurses, my patients would have been dead, or the work would have been too slowly or incompletely done.

When I was a House Officer, I had to run down 4-5 floors just to review a blood investigation of a dying dengue patient. The ward staff would either be nowhere around, or will say that he is busy (busier than the doctor?) or the answer I got at that time:

"Doktor nak cepat, doktor turun sendirilah, gaji doktor lagi banyak dari saya"

Even when I was a Specialist, the staff nurses had to be called again and again just to make sure the management plan for the patient would be done. I was already used to answers from them:

“I’m busy with something else"

“My shift is already over"

...it was routine for me.

One time when I was a District Hospital Medical Officer, I was conducting a delivery of a baby. An MA insisted that I remove my car which was block-parking his car. I answered through the phone that I was busy.

He came to the labor room and yelled "Semua orang pun sibuk jugak, macamlah doktor seorang yang sibuk!”

This maybe just a few people, and the writer is unlucky enough to meet these kind of people over and over again. I myself had only experienced working and interacting with the non-goverment medical servants and they gave a good impression on me. So this might be biased, as for sure a 2 weeks experience cannot be compared with a two decades. Suddenly coming back to Malaysia (which is already a scary idea looking how unprepared I am to be a doctor) seems so terrifying.

The state health or Hospital Director would just give another inspirational talk (of bollocks) on team effort and beauty of teamwork.

Ooh, now I know how I got the wrong news.

The author also stated some comparisons with other countries including Indonesia:

A few colleagues who graduated from UK choose to serve there:

"The pay is more, and we get the respect we deserve"

Another works in Brunei:

“Here the staff nurses respect Malaysian doctors, and they are very co-operative" (He ended up marrying one)

A few are consultants in Singapore (working with me):

"Here we are treated well, we spearhead the management, and every else do their work to the best of their capabilities".

A few even enjoys working in Indonesia:

“The work-load is horrible since there are a lot of patients, but we are well respected by every hospital personnel" (They have migrated there for nearly a decade)

Now I might even consider staying in Indonesia. (On a second thought, no, no. Maybe not.)

I find that Malaysia is the only country that is making doctors' lives miserable and treated like rubbish. It was never about the pay in the first place. It is about the treatment we are getting and the false political-based promises. Do you know that the so-called circular about doctors can have the day off after working 24 hours straight released JULY 2009 is not yet implemented? Do you know that the raise of UD 41 to 44 does not involve every doctor in the government service?

I did not found this surprising, knowing our country and it's full of 'janji manismu', it's likely to happen. Yet, most of the bad treatments from fellow workers such as nurses, medical assistants, and management officers made me feel sad. And if we were not bound by ethics to serve our best for patients and to save lives, would we become like them too? We can bare the hardships and exhaustion for the good pay (eventhough still lower than other countries), could we when it's not as sweet as it used to be?

Instead of doctors demands for respect, we must first give to gain. Maybe this is where the problem first started. The respect must be recovered.

See here to read the full article. Credit to Apai who linked it at Facebook.

-IMAN NAILAH 2010-

Sebuah Tayar Demi Keadilan

MAKASSAR, 3 Mei 2010-

Kesesakan lalu lintas bermula di Jalan Urip Sumoharjo ke arah Kampus Unhas tambah meresahkan.

Laluan pejalan kaki di hadapan Universitas Muslim Indonesia mula dipenuhi kenderaan,memperlihatkan suasana yang tidak enak dipandang. Bunyi hon dan teriakan bersahutan di bawah panas tengahari.

Penduduk Makassar sudah terlalu lali dengan kejadian seperti ini.

Dari kejauhan terlihat kepulan asap hitam dengan kumpulan mahasiswa berpeleseran di tengah jalan. Seperti yang diduga, inilah insan-insan yang menjadi harapan ibu dan ayah, diberi wang dan buku supaya rajin ke kampus dan kuliah. Oh rupa-rupanya mereka lebih suka berada di luar kampus dan memperjuangkan keadilan! Bagi mereka duduk menghadap buku tidak dapat merubah dunia. Mereka harus turun sendiri mengibar sepanduk dan melantunkan kata-kata penuh berkobar: "Kembalikan hak kami!!!"

Terbakarlah tayar-tayar di tengah hingar. Rosaklah jalan raya yang tambah menguras wang rakyat. Tercemarlah paru-paru anak bangsa. Hilanglah nilai kesopanan pengguna lalu-lintas. Ya, tersebarlah sudah perjuanganmu wahai pewaris nusa; Dengan umpat caci setiap pengguna jalan raya yang kepanasan, dengan jiwa ibu bapa yang robek dek pengorbanan mereka yang dikorbankan, dan dengan terinspirasi adik-adikmu agar terus melanjutkan perjuangan.

Perjuangan mereka masih menjadi misteri nusantara. Terlalu banyak pertanyaan:

1. Apa yang diperjuangkan?

2. Adakah ini saja caranya?

3. Selama ini tidak pernah ada perubahan, kenapa mereka tetap tegar memperjuangkan dengan cara yang sama?

4. Adakah mereka tidak mampu berfikir bahawa tidak ada yang menyokong perbuatan mereka? Rakyat saja mengutuk, apa lagi pemerintah.

5. Adakah mereka tidak mampu berfikir bahawa apa yang mereka lakukan lebih banyak membawa keburukan dari kebaikan?

6. ADAKAH MEREKA TIDAK MAMPU BERFIKIR??!

IMAN NAILAH melaporkan dari Makassar, Sulawesi Selatan.

Doktor Diktator

"Kenapa doktor zaman sekarang perlu menjelaskan semua informasi kepada pesakit?"

Pertanyaan doktor forensik tersebut membuat aku ternganga. Kalau zaman dulu tak payah ke?

Hubungan doktor-pesakit telah berevolusi seiring masa. Seabad lalu pesakit menganggap doktor sebagai tuhan. Tak lama setelah itu method Paternalistic diterapkan; seperti hubungan ayah dan anak di mana si anak harus menuruti segala perintah sang ayah dengan kepercayaan bahawa keputusan ayah sentiasa terbaik.

Beberapa dekad terakhir, informasi adalah segalanya. Kenapa?

1. Pesakit semakin cerdas, mereka mahu membuat pertimbangan dan keputusan sendiri.
2. Pesakit tidak percaya lagi kepada doktor.
3. Doktor tidak berkompeten lagi untuk membuat keputusan terbaik.
4. Tumbuhnya undang-undang yang tidak berpihak kepada sistem kesihatan.

Semua di atas adalah sebab, namun menurut doktor forensik tersebut, penyebab utama adalah dari doktor itu sendiri.

Doktor sekarang tidak sama lagi dengan doktor sejati di zaman dulu. Kenapa?

1. Dulu, sangat sukar untuk menjadi seorang doktor. Maka setiap mahasiswa yang memilih perubatan sebagai profesi akan berfikir masak-masak dan benar-benar bersungguh untuk menjadi doktor yang baik.
2. Dulu, doktor sedar fungsi mereka adalah mengubati dan merawat. Sekarang niat kebanyakan doktor selalu melencong ke arah material.
3. Dulu, mereka yang masuk ke jurusan perubatan benar-benar layak dan terpilih untuk belajar ilmu perubatan. Sekarang siapa saja boleh menjadi doktor.

Kita beri satu contoh. Seorang pesakit kanser payudara dianjurkan untuk menjalani operasi untuk membuang benjolan pada dadanya. Seorang doktor harus menjelaskan pilihan-pilihan operasi yang ada, kelebihan dan kekurangan setiap satunya dan outcome dari setiap pilihan.
Dengan memberikan penjelasan, pesakit dapat menilai adakah doktor tersebut benar-benar tahu tentang penyakit tersebut, doktor dapat berkomunikasi dengan pesakit dan mengetahui keadaan dan kemahuan pesakit dan menyesuaikan dengan pilihan operasinya nanti.

Kita melihat hubungan demokrasi doktor-pesakit ini memang yang terbaik untuk masa ini, namun kenapa dulu paternalistik sempat diterima dengan baik? Malah sekarang cara ini masih digunakan sesetengah doktor. Ini kerana seorang doktor bertanggungjawab memilih yang terbaik buat pesakitnya tanpa melihat status sosial, kemampuan dan kecenderungan finansial doktor sendiri.

Sekarang doktor cenderung melayan pesakit seperti klien atau pelanggan produk. Sesungguhnya hubungan peniaga-klien dengan doktor-pesakit merupakan dua hubungan yang berbeza.

Peniaga boleh memberikan mutu service bersesuaian dengan bayaran yang diberikan klien. Doktor tidak. Apakah pesakit kaya atau miskin, perkhidmatan harus sama rata.
Peniaga boleh menutup kedainya bila masa saja dia mahu dan menolak memberikan khidmatnya. Doktor tidak. Tak kira waktu dan keadaan, bila seorang pesakit memerlukan bantuan, dia harus menghulurkan segala kemampuannya.

Boleh dikatakan bahawa method paternalistic masih applicable jika seorang doktor itu benar-benar menjalankan amanah yang telah diberikan dengan jujur. Doktor boleh saja jadi diktator, selagi mana dia adalah doktor yang baik dan mempunyai ilmu. Semahir apapun seorang doktor berbicara, kalau tidak ada ilmu di dada, untuk apa komunikasi?

*Agak runsing dengan penyalahgunaan amanah yang semakin berleluasa di pelusuk dunia. Kes Hospital Internasional di Jakarta, korupsi Bank Century, krisis Wall Street, protes 'Baju Merah' di Bangkok Thailand adalah beberapa saja dari kesekian kejadian.

-IMAN NAILAH 2010-

Betapa Lemahnya Iman Ini

Susah hidup di zaman ini.

Banyak orang jahat,

sedikit orang baik,
hampir pupus orang beriman.

Bukan senang nak jaga iman di uzurnya alam. Yang batil dianggap normal, yang baik dianggap aneh. Yang menegakkan yang benar biasanya kalah. Yang menang adalah suara-suara ramai.

Demokrasi dan majoriti memegang cemeti.

Tak salah demokrasi, tak salah majoriti, selagi yang banyak itu benar. Tapi di akhirulzaman ini, kebanyakan manusia itu layaknya kanak-kanak belum mumaiz. Kalau belum masih boleh diselamatkan, tapi nampaknya seperti tidak pernah dan tidak akan.

Sejarah beberapa dekad menunjukkan betapa kita di penghujung jalan. Kita melalui titian rapuh tak berpegangan. Kita berjalan tanpa panduan, kita bergerak tanpa haluan, kita berpecah saling berlumba menuju arah yang tak jelas tujuan. Kita sesat.

Na'uzuibillah, semoga bukan kitalah 'kita' itu.

Sesungguhnya lemah jiwa ini berdiri di tengah dunia yang hampir hancur dengan makhluk-makhluk di dalamnya melata tanpa arah, penuh alpa dan dosa. Lelah melihat dosa, resah melayani rasa, hampa menyusuri arus manusia.

Aku takut disoroti lampu noda sampai silau pandangan dan akhirnya buta.
Lemah, ya aku lemah kerana aku insan biasa.

Aku meminta agar Allah mengurnia keteguhan yang tak terharga menghadapi arus dunia demi satu; SYURGA.

-IMAN NAILAH 2010-