Ohh, it's YOU again!

It's been a while! A year can be so fast when so many things happened in your life. It's a phase of changes. So, what changed?

I got married! Yup, for those who didn't know (most probably was not invited), I tied the knot on August 7, 2011. This maybe the turning point which cause me to 'forget' you my blog, for 'a while'. The truth is, I was expecting it because I saw it coming. In the midst of wedding preparation I already ignored you.

If you want to find someone to blame, it's this guy fault. Yes, this caring, sensitive and understanding guy that has been there for me ever since. He was too attentive that I forgot I have you to share my stories! For that I apologize.

'THE GUY' :p

Then the baby came! You know the drill. The magic stick shows two red lines, then blows everybody's life away! Being surprised by the news, swallowing it, getting nauseated and some vomiting, seeing the weighing scale being up and up every time you got on it, and the kicking in your stomach, the overwhelming of unable to see your feet anymore, the excitement of shopping baby stuff, then suddenly it appears before your eyes! The miracle you can never imagine! Yes, my precious has arrived! So as precious as he is, he needs be taken care of which takes time and energy which of course causing me once again ignoring you.

Iliyyin Zaidan <3

Well, who am I fooling? They are only excuses of a person dwells in happiness and keeping it all to herself! For a while I forgot my job as a da'i. I forgot the second D in the 3D. Doctor, Da'wah and Domesticity. Just because domesticity entered my life, I was unable to handle more than two? So I exchange instead of doing all? It's been long since my last usrah. I've become lost in my world that I forgot the real world out there.

O Allah, lead me to your path. I don't want to be drown in this world. Show me, show us the right path. Give us strength to stay in that path. Ameen.

Believe it or Not, This is Our Lifeless Life

10 things people don't know about doctors (especially houseman):

1. We are busy. Much busier than prime minister's PA :p

2. So busy that sometimes we have to 'tahan kencing'.

3. We usually did not eat lunch.

4. We have at least twice a week of 36 hours++ service which is called ONCALL (rarely with sleep).

5. Most of us might have vitamin D deficiency as we rarely see the sunshine (from home 6am, go back at 7pm).

6. Most houseman has experienced at least one car accident due to post-call/*tagging exhaustion or sleepiness.

7. Unlike other jobs, we don't have weekend off (at least medical in HSB don't have). Work until you drop!

8. We are so busy sometimes we cant even have time to attend everyone the way we should have done. I'm sorry to all my patient if I have ever made them feel ignored, please forgive me.

9. No excuse. Sleepy? Tired? Hungry? Are they more important to be fulfilled than your patients? No. So no excuse.

10. No room for mistakes. But human always make mistakes. That's why, we are not depending on ourselves, but we are doing our best and leave it to Allah. Keep close to Allah, He'll guide us to the right path.

~Some were exaggerated, most of them were the truth, but none are lies. These are written to show the real world of houseman and for us doctors to find the real passion in this profession. We can always be human, but superhuman is built from the heart. Let's be proud of this profession for the sake of human lives, insyaAllah there will be blessings for us when we do it with passion.

~Thanks to my family and those who have helped me through my days of fatigue and tears. Only Allah can repay the love you have given me.

*Tagging: the first 1-2 weeks of adaptation in a department/posting where we have to stay from 7 am to 11pm.


-IMAN NAILAH 2011-

Manusia untuk Manusia

Aku meraba-raba tanpa tongkat dan kaca mata
Di arus insan bersaing dengan masa
Tiada ruang untuk kesilapan mahupun airmata
Lelah dan marah hanya dalam rasa
Aku memakai topeng muka
Mahu dan mampu, senyum dan suka

Tiada erti lapar dahaga
Biologi diri teraniaya
Luka manusia yang bermakna
Bila diri bukanlah manusia?

keluh diri kadang bersuara
malah memakan hati, yang rela jadi terpaksa
benih tak berbunga
terlupa akan janji dikata harus dikota
asal tebalnya kitab buat beramal
bukan kot putih atau label di dada

Ada apa pada nama
Ada apa pada takhta
Bila tiada RASA?

Inilah kita, berjuang demi nyawa
bukan tidak berharga, bukan dilupa
tapi akan lebih bermakna
bila pengorbanan jadi sedetik lebih ceria
untuk makhluk bernama manusia.

Soooo Not Cancer!

Wonder why in the last few months I never write about interview, getting letters from SPA, busy settling and preparing things for housemanship and the fact that I'm going to start my first job in the next two weeks?

I'm so in denial.

I'm running away.

When it's all over your head night and day, then the first thing to do is to try distract yourself with something else. That's what I'm doing. I try not to add the stress by talking about it and not trying to act like it is all okay. Yes, it's scary, that's what I really feel, not discouraged, but scared at the fact that my life will change 180 degrees starting next week.

I'm swallowing this fact like going through 5 stages of grief in cancer.


Okay okay, too much to be compared with cancer. Nonetheless, the first stage went well. I skipped second stage, or at least went through it by putting all of the emotion to myself - no one to be blamed but myself right? - and I'm not sure whether I arrived at bargaining stage yet. Can I have a little more time? :p I really hope to just skip the fourth stage cause it's only gonna eat me up - no good. oh Mr. Five, there you are. I can see you now.

Okay. This is really just nerves talking. I'll be fine. Innallaha ma'ana. Bismillah.



-IMAN NAILAH 2011-

Can You Speak English?

Moral of the story:

1. Learn english.

2. If you already know it, don't pretend you don't understand! Don't take it for granted~ it's a knowledge and skill to be used wisely!

3. Smile. You need it :)


-IMAN NAILAh 2011-

Sapa Sejahtera

Ketukan beriring salam
buat sahabat
tak bersahut balas,
Tiga, tigalah angka
memanggil diri semula.

Andai curiga membara
dan bimbang bertakhta
lalu merah bak saga,
ayuh bertanya-
ini tentang siapa?
...sebenarnya
membeban diri di atas raga.

Kalau benar kasih saudara
syairkan sejahtera
yang berhembus di udara
Nyanyian pembawa berita
yang pasti menerpa.

-IMAN NAILAH 2011-

Nilai Al-Qur'an

Sudah terlalu banyak manusia tidak takut dengan ayat Allah malah mempersenda dan memilih-milih seperti sedang berbelanja di pasar. Inilah peringatan Allah dalam Surah Al-Qalam terhadap mereka:

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Apakah patut Kami menjadikan orang Islam (yang taat) sama seperti orang yang berdosa?

Apa sudah jadi kepada (akal) kamu? Bagaimana kamu menetapkan hukum (yang terang-terang salahnya itu)?

Atau adalah kamu mempunyai sebuah Kitab (daripada Allah) yang kamu membacanya?

Bahawa dalam kitab itu, kamu boleh memilih apa yang kamu suka?

Atau adakah kamu memperoleh janji yang diperkuatkan dengan sumpah daripada Kami, yang berlaku hingga hari kiamat jika kamu benar-benar dapat mencapai apa yang kamu putuskan?

Nasib mereka kemudiannya dijelaskan dalam ayat 44 surah yang sama:

Maka serahkan kepada Aku sahaja (wahai Muhammad) orang yang mendustakan perkataan ini (Al-Qur'an), kami akan menarik mereka sedikit demi sedikit (ke jurang kebinasaan), dari arah yang mereka tidak mengetahuinya.

Jelaslah sudah, setiap yang diberi ilmu haruslah beramal dengannya. Oleh itu bila mereka berlaku sebaliknya, Allah membalas dengan menjerumuskan mereka lebih dalam ke jurang kesesatan. na'uzubillah. Janganlah sesekali bermain-main dengan Al-Qur'an, kerana ialah satu-satu pegangan kita selain Sunnah Rasulullah. Hilang tempat berpaut, lemaslah ke laut dalam.

Al-Qur'an itu tidak lain hanyalah peringatan bagi seluruh umat manusia.

Wallahu'alam.


-IMAN NAILAH 2011-

Maher Zain Live in Concert 2011

Alhamdulillah, I've been waiting for this for quite some time and last night it become true. The first and the best concert I've ever attend, yet!

The rainy night of February 25th, 2011 witnessed Melawati Stadium filled with more than 7000 people for Maher Zain Live in Concert. My seat was actually very far left which will let me see nothing but the stage. Thanks to Adib's friend, Azfar who offered to take my ticket and giving his guest tickets to us. The seats happens to be at the centre of the third floor. Even though it's quite far, we can see everything! :D

Adib, my date :)

The MCs, Farahdiba and 'the guy' I'm not sure what's his name (sorry!) opened the night reminding all the audience that we are doing this for Allah's redha. The concert was started by energetic performance by Inteam which also the people responsible on bringing Maher Zain and friends for this event. Then Irfan Makki who originates from Pakistan but now lives in Canada performs three songs: Mother, Waiting for The Call and a wedding song (I forgot the title). Despite the great performances, everybody can't hide their eagerness for the man of the show. Not long after he appears singing Allahuakbar. It was a nice choice for an opener.

Inteam

Songs from were then sung for the next 1 hour, and everybody seems to be enjoying their selves. I realized everytime he is about to sing a song, he'll say bismillah. And a lot of mashaAllah and alhamdulillah along the concert. What a good example.

Fadly, the vocalis of Padi band (Indonesia) made an appearance featuring in InshaAllah song (Malaysia/Indonesia? version). Then the stage was joined by Mesut Kurtis and five children to sing Never Forget. They were very cute :)

Maher Zain rest for a while to give a chance for Mesut Kurtis to perform three songs. I realized this Turkish singer was bless with a very manly voice, and many of his songs are traditional zikir and solawat which I think suits him really well. One worth a mention is Burdah.

Maher Zain - The closest shot of him from my seat

Maher Zain came back to stage singing Allahi Allah Kiya Karo with Irfan Makki. He then surprises us with his new song which he just wrote exactly a week and a half ago. Freedom, inspired by the struggle of Egypt, Tunisia, Libya, Yemen and neighboring countries which started in the past few months succeed in bringing the message to the audiences.

Announcing his last song InshaAllah in the Malay Version, everybody cheered but at the same time feeling very sad to know it's ending.
After the song ends, he said "Unfortunately that was really my last song." Everybody seems dissappointed.
Then he said indifferently, "Okay, everybody is tired, lets go home." That made us laugh.
"One more song?"
We said, "Yesssssss...!" More than anything!
"InsyaAllah... next year!" he laughs.

He looked at us and with a big smile on his face he said, "Okay two more songs! What do you want me to sing?"
We were so happy, some screamed out their favorite songs. For The Rest of My Life was the most screamed by the crowd.
"What about I sing Freedom first, and then The Rest of My Life, okay?", he offered.
We were euphoric. He then asked us to open our cellphone's light and wave it in the air. Everyone did it and the scene was like the night sky filled with dancing stars. It lits up the atmosphere.
As Maher Zain sings The Rest of My Life, the stadium echoed with the voices of the fans singing along.

Seeing the great respond from the crowd, he offers to sing InshaAllah once again, this time the English version. We sang along, feeling very satisfied and amused by this amazing night. MashaAllah.

Before excusing himself, Maher Zain thanks everybody who had contributed to realize the concert, giving credits to the percussions group and back-up singers, and to all the audiences for great support.

It ends at 12am and I went home with a big smile. Alhamdulillah :D


-IMAN NAILAH 2011-

My First Ice Skating Experience!

When you fall, get up.

Don't be afraid to take another step further. Don't think about falling again, but the progress you are making.


That's what I learnt from my first ice skating experience.

Without any expectation, I put on the skate shoes and feeling all excited. I think I can do it.

The first time I step on the ice, a feeling showered all over me. Without thinking I just do what other people there are doing, but they are all experts, or at least novice. I am a beginner.

Without no thoretical knowledge at all. Yes, I never got interested on anything that's using balance or even played with rollerblade. I suck at this.

I recall the first and only time I put on a rollerblade. I end up holding on fences along the time. I was about 13.

Looking back at my "practices", I guess this one is gonna take time. Mostly courage.

At about the third step on the ice range, I taste the coldness of the ice. Ooh, this is why they made us wear gloves. It's not protecting us when we are skating, it's protecting us when we fall. The ice can really hurt your palm, especially when you fall like me.


Not long after that I taste all positions of falling while skating. Well, I'm not even skating. I'm like a child learning how to walk.

Because of too many times falling, some nice people came to me and offered help. A very sincere looking guy suddenly appear out of no where and ask, "Do you need help?" and with mixed feelings of embarrassment and overwhelm, I refused so immediately that not long after I'm afraid I was being rude. But I guess some ego was playing part in it.

Then a girl said hi and offered to skate together. She was aware that besides her I was the only adult girl there. She asked if I came here alone, seeing me skating alone most of the time. And obviously this is my first. In my thought she must been doing this for a long time but impressively this was only her second! We skated and talked for a while and then I realize I can't focus on balance while chatting (after I almost fall a few times and made her my holding pole) so I said she better go first so I won't held her back. She said it's her pleasure and left me to my brother Adib.


After a dozen times of "The Great Fall", I eventually learnt how to prevent myself from falling. I can stand by my own! Alhamdulillah! Hurray!! Then it progress with steps, then I saw myself gliding a little bit. So happy :)


My legs hurt so much that I know it's enough for now. Getting out of the range, I wave goodbye to the girl name Nurul. She waved back and smile. It was brief but sweet.

Dozens of falls, couple of bruises, three rounds, and a new friend. Perfect :)

I'm definitely gonna get down to that skating range again wearing the skating shoes and gloves. Soon!


-IMAN NAILAH 2011-

Muhasabah di Pertambahan Usia

"Engkau adalah Rasulullah saw sedangkan aku adalah Muaz (hamba Allah yang bukan rasul).Maka bagaimana aku dapat selamat dan sejahtera?"

Lalu Rasulullah saw menjawab:

“Hendaklah engkau ikuti aku walaupun hanya dengan sedikit amalan.Wahai Muaz jaga lidahmu baik-baik daripada mencela saudaramu yang membaca Al-Quran (golongan ulama) dan pertanggungkanlah segala dosamu ke atasmu dan jangan engkau pertanggungkan dosamu ke atas mereka dan janganlah engkau menganggap dirimu bersih dan jangan pula engkau mencela orang lain dan jangan engkau campurkan urusan dunia di dalam urusan akhirat.Dan jangan engkau menyombongkan diri di dalam majlis nanti orang ramai akan takut kepadamu kerana kejahatanmu dan jangan engkau berbisik kepada seseorang sedangkan seorang lagi ada disisimu dan jangan engkau membesarkan dirimu maka akan terputus daripadamu segala kebaikan di dunia dan di akhirat.Dan jangan engkau carikkan (pecah-belah) akan manusia maka mencarik akan dikau oleh anjing-anjing api neraka pada hari kiamat nanti.Allah telah berfirman:

“Demi yang mencari akan carikkan” (surah An-Nazia’t:2)

Apakah engkau ketahui wahai Muaz siapakah mereka yang mencarik itu? Muaz bertanya: “Ya Rasulullah,sebenarnya siapa mereka?”

Lalu Nabi saw menjawab:

“Itulah anjing-anjing garang di dalam api neraka yang akan mencarikkan daging sehingga sampai ke tulang”

Muaz berkata:

“Ya Rasulullah,siapakah orang yang mampu melaksanakan segala perkara yang engkau sebutkan tadi? Dan siapakah yang akan selamat daripada seksaan itu?”

Nabi saw menjawab:

“Itu sebenarnya mudah bagi orang yang dimudahkan oleh Allah”

Laahaulawala quwwata illa billah~

Di tangan-Mu aku, di tangan-Mu nasibku. Maka Ya Allah, jadikanlah mudah bagiku. Ameen.

-IMAN NAILAH 2011-